Forerunners Retreat 2008-Swee Ching

Forerunners Retreat 2008

Personal Testimony 30 Oct 2008 – By Lee Swee Ching

I anticipated the annual retreat simply because I have no duties and responsibility assigned and I can focus on the teachings and receiving. Probably because last year I missed all the sessions as I was helping in the children programs.

HOUR 2 ETERNAL HOME OF THE DEAD

As Adrian started teaching from Day 1 till Day 2, we absorbed 4 sessions of teachings. There was already fear in the hearts of some of the members but to me, I am pretty confident that I have secured a place in heaven.

After Hour 2 when Adrian shared that Demons operate by functions eg. Bitterness, anger etc, I shared with my cell group that recently I experienced bitterness as I serve God. I am like Martha who feels angry when she saw Mary sitting by Jesus’s feet, and demanded Jesus to tell Mary to help her. I felt like Martha, doing a lot of work, running around, and at times I feel bitter that I have to do so much and God never send anyone to help me. I realized that I need to be like Mary, who has chosen what is better, I need to sit at Jesus’s feet to listen to what he said, and not be distracted. SIGH.

And as we continue to discuss what is the driving force behind our lives, guess what is my answer? Work again!! I shared that I am someone who seems to “learn” by working and I serve God by working for him. Which is why I take every opportunity of work to “serve” Him, work is equivalent to serving God. I am actually pretty deceived.

WORSHIP EXTRAVAGANZA

I chose the song As The Deer. I need to be like a deer who pants for the water. I think my soul is crying out for God..

DAY 3 QUIET TIME

God spoke to me through Hebrews 6: 7-12 He reinforced that if my life like a field produces crops useful to those it is farmed, I will receive blessing, if my life produces thorns and thistles, it is worthless and is in danger of being cursed and will be burned.  BUT the beautiful thing is God assured me that He is NOT UNJUST. He will not forget my work and the love I have shown Him as I helped His people and continue to help. 

I need to be diligent to the very end in order to make my hope sure. I cannot be lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. After the QT when XH led the song “I’m Amazed”, I just couldn’t stop crying.

SIGH.. I feel very sorry for myself.. and I feel the love of God overwhelming me.. and I feel sorry for those of us who are far away from Him like me.. so quite a mixture of feelings.

HOUR 5 THE FOUNDATION

During Hour 5 discussion, I shared that I do not have the full manifestation of obedience! I don’t think I fear God as much as He desired. And when Adrian invited us to come forward to receive prayers, I have to go up. Something is wrong with me. I confessed to Adrian that I am striving very hard to win God’s favour and I do not have any desire to read God’s word. I couldn’t think of any reasons why I don’t love the word of God. Adrian asked me to go down on my knees, lift up my hands and as he prayed over me, he spoke of pride and self-sufficiency. I have became proud and complacent, thinking that I do not need the word of God anymore. I have been deceived and pride has caused me to sin by willfully choose not to open the bible to read. I repented and confessed that I serve out of self-glory instead of His glory.

HOUR 6 HEAVEN & FINAL DAY

It is only after the last session’s discussion that I started to doubt if I can really enter through the narrow gate of heaven. Thank God for humbling me. Yes it took a total of 6 lessons to reveal that I have been over confident and complacent! SIGH but God is good. Really. He never fails to surprise me. 

On the last day morning, Joan shared the vision she receive for me when she was standing behind me interceding. She saw a running stream of water, gushing down fast. The water symbolizes God’s living water and His presence in my life. However in the water, there are pebbles and rocks. God assures me by saying “Despite all these obstacles (pebbles) in your life, my power is enough to move you through”. Amen!

As I write this testimony now, I know that pride is still in me. It does not disappear overnight after retreat ends. But I thank God that He revealed this sin in my life and I pray that I will overcome this. Please continue to remember me in prayers.