Forerunners Retreate 2008 reflection by Xin Hui

Forerunners Retreat 2008 - My Reflections

The message from ‘Driven by Eternity’ is hard and I left the retreat with a heavy heart. But there is no doubt that God spoke to me during this retreat.

Throughout the teaching sessions, there was this nagging sense that I have perhaps grown complacent and have started to neglect God in my daily life. I have become lukewarm. And the more worrying thing was that I somehow found a way to convince myself that being lukewarm is fine as long as I don’t fall away from God totally. Based on what happened to the characters in Affabel, I realized that my thinking was quite dangerous. Yet, my pride and self-righteousness caused my heart to harden against the truth.

During the worship session, when Adrian called for those who needed prayer to step forward, I struggled. Part of me told me that I was alright since I have not been convicted of any serious sin by the teachings. Yet, the other part of me said that I was NOT alright because not being shaken by the teachings probably implied a hardened heart. Thank God, the latter part got the better of me and I went forward.

To cut the long story short, God reminded me of what Jesus did on the cross and of what it truly means to be a Christian. It is not simply about going to church weekly, attending cell group, reading the Bible or even serving Him. The foundation of our faith is the cross and God’s love for us. God also brought to my mind the parable from Luke 18:9-14 –

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'
"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'
"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Along the way, I have become like the Pharisee. God wanted to humble me. As I knelt there that day, I felt like I was the helpless tax collector, pleading to God for mercy because of all the times I have not put Him first in my life, questioned His goodness and complained against Him.

Adrian asked me to confess each of the things I have not obeyed God in and to ask for God’s forgiveness. After that, he told me that God’s love is not conditional upon the things that we do for Him. Nothing we do can earn us God’s love. It is given freely. Wow. That hit me hard again. God’s ways are sometimes so difficult to comprehend. But I suppose that is how God wanted to assure me of what Jesus said at the end of the above parable. Whenever we humble ourselves before the Lord and surrender to Him, He will justify and exalt us.

Having eternity in mind will definitely help me to keep things in perspective and to persevere through this race which we are running for God. I know that I will need to continually pray against the lukewarm-ness and the self-righteousness, especially once I get catapulted back into the busy-ness at work. I pray the same for all Forerunners.



Xinhui